How Mindfulness Helped Me Change Careers

“I can’t do this anymore.”

I remember saying this to myself as I got ready for work, and being filled with dread at the day ahead. How did I get here? And now what?

I started my career in public health with a lot of enthusiasm and a whole-hearted desire to help people and change the world. In the beginning, it felt like I was about to do just that. I worked hard, and studied a lot. I found my way in through clinical research and evaluation, working as a research coordinator and later on as an evaluator. As I grew, so did my role and in a manner of a few short years, I was leading public health programming in Central Brooklyn, with a goal of eliminating racial health disparities. I worked with doctors, business owners, program directors and managers, and neighborhood residents to address the problems that cause poor health outcomes. I worked to make the neighborhood a healthier place. After many years of hard work, I began to wonder if I was really making a difference. 

The practice of mindfulness helped me to begin to notice when the work I was doing was no longer in alignment with my passions and beliefs. I noticed when I started to feel drained rather than inspired. Mindfulness and meditation helped me to cope with this dissonance. I was not in a position to quit right away, I had rent and bills to pay. I wanted to make my next move carefully. I wanted to be sure I was moving toward something and not in reaction to something. I wanted to make sure my next move was toward the right thing, and not just another thing.

While mindfulness did not prevent the burnout I would experience as I grappled with this change, it did mitigate it enough so that I could stay in my role while transitioning into a new one. Mindfulness helped me stay present to it so I could learn as much as possible from how I was feeling and use this information to create the path forward. I spent many afternoons breathing deeply and meditating in my office as I responded to a seemingly unending stream of emails and requests while I contemplated how I was feeling.

I knew I could not change the world this way. I was trapped by bureaucracy and could not move the organization in the ways that would make a difference. I felt my energy draining and my health beginning to decline.

I consulted with people who knew me well, and asked many open-ended questions to explore what my next move could be. I was fortunate to be surrounded by many intelligent and insightful friends and professionals who nudged me toward social work.

When I thought about working with people directly instead of with and through organizations, I felt something inside me reignite. I love working with people, and always have found a way to do so even when it wasn’t part of my formal role. As an organization leader, I worked with the members of my team, providing counseling and leadership coaching with those who would drop by my office. I loved sharing wisdom, holding space, and witnessing my team members grow and transform, and I knew I was meant to make a difference in a different way.

As I sat in meditation, I received a vision of what my life could be like, working directly with clients and having the flexibility to meet their needs beyond the constraints of an organization. I saw myself having the freedom to help, support, and nurture people in the way that felt inspiring and rejuvenating to me.

I finished my social work degree while working and becoming a mama in the process. Mindfulness made it possible for me to hold so much transformation in my being all at once.

I am a trauma therapist now, and I get to do incredible, inspiring, meaningful work everyday. I work with people who are just as excited to work with me as I am with them. I get to be myself, and I get to show up in the way I want to, and it feels so good. I am so filled with gratitude for the many portals I’ve had the opportunity to travel down in the past few years, and especially grateful for the practice of mindfulness that made it all possible.